Last night was the first night in a long while that the ng tube machine did NOT get stuck and running feet have to go unclog it while Barb throws up!  Hurray for a full nights sleep for everyone!  Even baby Eric didn’t get up until almost 7am.  After yesterday, we all needed the sleep.  Barb’s nurse came today, on her DAY OFF, to up Barb’s pain medication due to her throat pain.  Barb wanted to stay with less pain medication as it causes problems with what little bowel function she has left.  However, she has to control her pain otherwise she can’t hardly function.  We all convinced her to up the pain medication a little.  She is still fairly alert, and thank goodness she is having less pain with the tube today.

Katie gave us all a lesson yesterday in the anatomy of the abdominal region and where all Barb’s cancer has spread.  We can all feel the tumors in her abdomen now.  I say this not to gross anyone out, but to share with all of you how quickly this adenocarcenoma has spread.  I can visibly see the tumors without touching her abdomen, but sometimes she wants the area massaged, so Katie did not want us to be scared when we felt them.  It was very difficult for my Mom to hear Katie explain all of this and see the evidence of the tumors through her skin.  My Mom cried after the biology lesson and we all hugged each other.

Joan left last night and it was very emotional when she said good-bye to Barb.  I ask that all of you at Garces be sure to hug Joan and let her know that you care.  She told me that Garces is part of her family, and she needs that now more than ever.  Right before Katie left, she crawled in the chair with Barb and sobbed for a long time.  I had to rescue Eric because he was smashed in between them.  When I took Eric, he reached up and gave Barb some love taps on her head with a huge smile on his face.  Then, he tried to pull out her ng tube…..which Barb whispered,”He can have that!”  I was crying and laughing at the same time.

Jason, Barb, and Matt watched the Iowa game in the sun room.  Mom stayed home to do laundry and dishes, which are constantly going.  When Doc and I got back from the airport run, everyone was asleep except for Melissa.  Doc and I came in quietly and naps lasted another hour or so.  I was glad because I got to watch Nicole’s volleyball team play their last 2 games at Nevada Reno vs. Belmont.  (Video feeds are the best!)  They won in 4 and Nicole had 19 digs, so even though I couldn’t be there I felt a part of her match.  Her team is wearing purple ribbons on their shoes all weekend in support of Barb and her Army.

Congratulations to the Iowa Hawkeyes, who won their football game today.  Jason is a HAPPY man!  We dressed Barb in an Iowa t-shirt after her shower this morning, so she was in the spirit as well.

Keep the faith Barb’s Army.  It is a better day today since the pain is under control again.  Barb just so wants the ng tube to come out, but that isn’t going to happen.  We are ALL about COMFORT right now.  God Bless you all.  Love, MK

Barb is having a rough day today.  She had abdominal pain and went to radiology and got a liter and a half drained.  That alleviated the abdominal pain for now.  However, Barb is really uncomfortable with the ng tube down her throat to her stomach.  It is just rubbing the inside of her throat raw.  Our hospice worker, Leigh Ann (I spelled her name wrong yesterday), asked Barb if she would rather have the tube in with the raw, painful feeling or have the tube out and be throwing up all the time? She said this so gently and it has been the question on all of our minds for a few days.  Barb didn’t really answer as both choices are terrible.  The tube remains in, and Barb is very uncomfortable.  She cried about the tube, and that just makes us all so sad.  It is so difficult to feel completely helpless.  Dianne went to the store to get some throat spray and some throat lozenges.  Hopefully, those will give her some relief.  Katie was also calling Dr. Merchant to see if there was something he could prescribe that would be stronger.

Our Dad George went home this morning and Joan leaves tonight.  Katie and Eric leave tomorrow, while Dianne and Delaney leave on Monday.  Mom and I will be here with Jason and the boys after Monday.  Leigh Ann is giving Mom and I lessons in hospice care since Katie is leaving on Saturday….Joan and Doc are good with the tube stuff as well.  Today we learned how to read the meter that doles out the pain medication.  Tomorrow we have to learn how to do the two shots that Barb needs.  I am a bit nervous about that, but Leigh Ann says baby steps for me with tubes and needles.  She is so calm that my nerves do not go so haywire.  I guess there is a reason I am a teacher and NOT a nurse.  I can only do what I am comfortable doing.  I tell myself that I am not failing Barb if someone else has to step in for tube replacement or a shot.

Pray for Barb as she feels miserable today.  Katie is on her way to pick up a prescription, so hopefully Barb will get some throat relief.  Thanks Barb’s Army.  I feel better after having “spoken” to all of you!  Love, MK

This is what I TOUCH:

I TOUCH Barb each day when I give her back a massage.  Her skin is baby soft, and as I rub her back I hope that she is getting some relief from the pain.

I TOUCH Jason’s Aunt Bonnye and get a hug that  is like hugging a soft down pillow.  It reminds me of the hugs I used to get from my friend Mary Kirby, who has moved to Washington State.  Mary’s husband died of esophageal cancer a few years ago, and I cry with those memories.

I TOUCH my niece Delaney who hugs me in place of my husband Ken.  We were skyping with Ken and he told Delaney to hug me so tight because he misses me.  So, Delaney wraps me up in her 10 year old arms and hugs me for a long time.  Ken says via the computer that he is there with me.  Feel him through Delaney!

I TOUCH my nephew Eric, who is one today.  I feel his curly haired head and wonder about the circle of life, as he has more hair than Barb these days.

I TOUCH the tubes for Barb’s ng machine, and I almost get a panic attack.  I am not good with all the tubes and lines running in and out of her body.  I try so hard, but it is not my gift.  Joan, Katie and Dianne handle it with ease, but I get so nervous.

I TOUCH Barb’s 100 pound body when I help her get in the shower.  She sits down on the shower seat to let the water run over her thin body.  I sit down on the floor and cry because this disease just rips its victims of life in a horrific way.

I TOUCH Barb’s hospice nurse Leanne and hug her so tight.  She is truly an angel on earth.  She is a voice of calm and reassures me that we are doing everything right for Barb.

I hope one day to TOUCH Dr. Merchant and give him a hug to say thank you for his patience.  He has traveled this journey with Barb and it can’t be easy to watch this deterioration.  I have been to the hospital many times and never met him.  I will rectify that and I will give him the hug he deserves.

TOUCH someone today!  Keep the Faith.  Love, MK

The doctor spent 45 minutes talking with Barb (and Katie) and they decided against trying the block.  The risks outweighed the benefits.  So, the procedure was not even tried.  Thank you for all the prayers.  I believe they helped everyone have a clear head to make the BEST decision for Barb.  Katie said that the procedure would not have been of optimum benefit for Barb.  She will continue to use the pain medicine she has, which seems to be working fairly well at this time.  Barb is home and alert in the sun room deciding what she wants liquified for lunch.  She still has the ng tube in her nose.  Keep the faith.  Love, MK

Today was a good day for Barb.  She rested a bit in the morning.  Then Katie, Joan, and Amy went to the Hospital with Barb to have the ascites drained again.  They got 2 liters out of Barb’s abdomen, which is about 6 pounds.  Dianne continues to make liquid recipes and Barb drinks them slowly.  They stay down for about an hour or two and then Barb gets “urpy” and we turn the ng pump on.  A little gets through because it comes out the other end…..if you know what I mean!

Tomorrow at 8am they are going to try a procedure called celiac plexus block, which will help with the pain in her abdomen and back.  It may not work because of her prior whipple and all the radiation she has received.  (That has left plenty of scar tissue.)  So Barb wants the prayer tonight to be that the BLOCK works.  If it works then she should be able to lower the dose of the pain medication.  That would keep her more alert.

A big thank you to GARCES HIGH SCHOOL for their PURPLE OUT and prayer time today.  Thanks to all who organized.  Thanks to an administration that knows sometimes the rules can be bent!  The Schager, Boylan, and Haller families all appreciate the support.  I am so touched by THE BARB’S ARMY Family!  God Bless you all!  Keep the Faith!  Love, MK

Send your pictures, name and location to pictures@barbstrong.com

This is what I HEAR:

1.  I HEAR that half of Ames High School is dressed in PURPLE!

2.  I HEAR that Jimmy is being interviewed by Channel 8 at the high school.  He will spread the word that more funding needs to go into pancreatic cancer research for a cure!

3.  I HEAR the cicadas in the backyard while I watch Melissa massage Barb’s back.

4.  I HEAR my Mom tell everyone that there is NO NEGATIVE ENERGY allowed in the sun room, where Barb prefers to reside.

5.  I HEAR my Dad show up early in the morning to take baby Eric for his stroller ride.

6.  I HEAR the constant hum of the dishwashers and the washing machine/dryer.  There is never ending dishes and laundry.  Just when I think we catch up, there is MORE and MORE.

7.  I HEAR Joan squirting hardwood cleaner on the kitchen floor because Dianne makes so many concoctions that fruit juice gets everywhere.

8.  I HEAR a husband leave this morning and tell Joan and I, who are sleeping in the Master as he is in the sun room with Barb, “take care of my girl.”  I then HEAR that husband call from the farm and ask how Barb is doing today.  Do I need to come home?  I tell Jason that she is fine so far and to stay at the farm and get some work done.

9.  I HEAR the occasional push of the pain button by Barb.

10.  I HEAR that Barb’s Army, all over the WORLD, is wearing PURPLE today.  Game ON, BARBSTRONG!

Keep the Faith and know that Barb is at peace and well cared for!  Love, MK

Thank you for all the positive feedback on yesterday’s post.  It truly came to me in a dream.  I have learned over the years to LISTEN well to my dreams.

Jimmy has requested that everyone at his high school wear purple tomorrow in a PURPLE OUT day to remind everyone to pray for Barb and ALL people fighting pancreatic cancer.  So, I am extending this to ALL Barb’s Army.  Try and wear purple tomorrow!

Barb had a decent night according to Jason and got some good rest.  This morning she had a shower and then Joan gave her a long massage.  She has had a little back pain today, so she has pushed her pain button a few times.  Barb did get a bit “urpy” with a juice drink…..that means she gets nauseated and Katie turns on the ng pump to get it out of her stomach.  Barb had a nice nap in her bedroom and is currently sitting on a massage contraption getting her lower back rubbed by Melissa.

Keep the Faith.  Barb is well loved!  Love, MK

I would just like to announce that tomorrow, August 30, we are going to be having a “Purple Out” day. If you could wear purple tomorrow at school to show your support, that would be awesome. Thank you!

Love, Jimmy Boylan